Finding Real Love

Long ago, I wanted the happily-ever-after kind of love known in Greek terms as Eros love, so I could fill the empty place within (The term Eros describes the passion—the butterflies and fire felt inside—when falling in love). You see, I longed to experience complete love in all its glory. So, in turn, I focused and even craved the idea of love constantly. This naïve illusion took me off course as I settled for the first person who was affectionate towards me and I eagerly accepted his attention. Oh no, the innocence of a wayward youth! With blinders on and an overconfident attitude, I strode ahead with the notion that my darling felt the same way! In time came the harsh truth that there was no ‘we’—no equal partnership— but instead, a dysfunctional union pivoting around power and control. Time passed and despair set in. Preceding our final separation I felt irrevocably broken and unloved.

The craving within me cried out with anguish; an aching desire to be loved and to love in return, not understanding that I was already loved by an awesome God, loved by my family, loved by my friends, and loved by my children. Even though I wouldn’t want to relive my broken past, I will never regret what I went through, because thankfully, I began my spiritual faith walk with the Lord in the midst of the happening and was given a most precious gift of two marvelous children, of whom I respect, admire and deeply love.  Time passed and once again I thought I had finally found real love. And once again, I found myself on the wrong course and the wrong kind of love! The old adage; ‘out of the frying pan and into the fire’ had to have been written for me! It appeared that real love was destined to be outside my grasp. It even occurred to me that the love I desired might not be in the cards for me or that it didn't exist.  There were moments when sadness would settle on my heart and yet every day I felt a constant pull in my soul to continue the quest for real love, the kind God intended.

This journey to find real love led me along various paths, eventually guiding me, with a whisper from above, to my purpose-filled path and the discovery of real love—Agape love. I guess one could call it my Shangri-La or my earthly paradise. I discovered many things about myself and about what love is and what it is not. The lessons learned have not been easy to digest, but the discovery was worthwhile. I learned how to love my own company rather than basing my happiness on my perception of what love should be or leaning on some other person for my own needs.

Here is what I discovered about Agape love: Agape love is the only form of love that is not held prisoner by its environment or by someone's perception. It is based on a deliberate decision of selfless caring about someone else’s well-being. Agape love not only exists, but overpowers a feuding environment. And even when the passion decreases (and it will), Agape love continues to live. Agape love generates and nourishes a place—much like a garden—where the other forms of love (Eros and Philia) can grow!...

My longing was favorable, because it led to real love, for real love is an understanding and a connection that is available to all if one knows where to look. All we have to do is look to God, for He knows us more than we know ourselves and still loves us unconditionally.  His love is the purest form of Agape love and I find it mind-boggling trying to fathom the immensity of His love for us. My longing and desire for real love has finally and forever been fulfilled.

 

"You guide me with your council, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73: 24-26

 

 

Do Not Fear Love

Song of Solomon 8:7 “Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” (NIV)

From the moment of birth until death, all living beings are seeking love. It is our nature to want to be accepted and loved.  There’s nothing better than being where we are eagerly welcomed. When a person finally opens up their heart to let someone inside, they have silently agreed to share a part of themselves with that other person, thus becoming a little more vulnerable with the possibility of hurt or even rejection.

1 Corinthians 13:1 “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”

1 John 4:8 “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (NIV)

The sticky part about love is when each person is following their own path where their own reality takes first place over all others. Adolescents and adults alike test the edges of love daily, while searching for their own niche. They choose their friends, casting aside those they don't want in their inner circle, leaving some behind to either fume silently or lash out at others as a way to protect them from the hurt of rejection.

Once one finds that special someone, one would think; "Ah, at last, I'll never hurt again!" But love does not guarantee freedom from hurt. No relationship should ever consider itself perfect, because as humans, we are flawed and will continue to make mistakes, have misunderstandings, and contribute to disagreements.  But life is too short to dwell on who is right or who is wrong. The bigger question is this; can each person consider someone other than themselves?

Someone I knew made a comment after a breakup; "Since love hurts so much, I going to give up on love. It hurts too much and I'm afraid to feel that pain again." I thought about her remark and felt rather sad.  To give up on love just to avoid the pain would be like cutting off an arm or a leg. To cast away love would be the paradox, because without love we would have nothing. No one to lean against, no one to share with, no one to embrace, no one to care about, no one to laugh with, no one to miss, no one to appreciate, absolutely no one. We would truly be alone…

1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (NIV)
 

Until later, Kathy Goodhew

     P.S. You can also find me at; www.kathygoodhew.com

Flying With an Eagle

"...No earthly bars can ever imprison the soul. No walls however high, or bolts however strong, can imprison an eagle so long as there is an open way upward; and earth's power can never hold the soul in prison while the upward way is kept open and free. Our enemies may build walls around us as high as they please, but they cannot build any barrier between us and God; and if we "mount up with wings" we can fly higher than any of their walls can ever reach. If we find ourselves imprisoned, then, we may be sure of this, that it is not our earthly environment that constitutes our prison-house, for the soul's wings scorn all paltry bars and walls of earth's making. The only thing that can really imprison the soul is something that hinders its upward flight."

The aforementioned words came from book; The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life, by Hannah Whitall Smith, thirtieth printing 1979. The above passage surprisingly evoked a kinship with the author’s words, since I am drawn to the majestic eagle. This is why;

The editing phase of my memoir, A Vision Beyond Abuse, was approaching the finish, but while I remained focused, it continued to be a grueling process. I felt like I was back on the battlefield, the one I thought I’d left behind. As I read and reread my account from the past, I was forced to expose the hidden skeletons and re-experience my past abuse, causing me tremendous emotional pain. But somehow, I sensed the involvement might be help to leave the shadowy nightmares and broken past behind.
One morning I woke from a dream that was particularly realistic. The vivid colors popped with intensity exclaiming, ‘what a glorious day to be alive!’ The blue sky was flawless, apart from a few billowy clouds. I sensed I was near a mountainous region with dense forestation reaching off into the distance abd branches stretching towards the sun and praising the Creator.

The odd thing was that I was not gazing from the ground, but rather from the air! I peered around to see how this could be and discovered myself on the back of an enormous eagle in flight, recognizable by its golden brown hue, prominent head, and massive wings. Remaining calm, I peered past my dangling legs and caught the shape of what looked like a small slithering snake from my vantage point, but knew it for a river. My pleasure continued when the breeze kissed my face and I knew I was on a grand adventure. I had the distinct sensation of feeling carefree from all that was weighing me down!

When I awoke, I was baffled by the strange vision, but much like fizz rising, an answer was drawing near. I could tell something important was happening, because the heavy weight was gone and the shadowy dreams were no more. On the fringe of actually understanding, I began to sense I was being wrapped in comforting arms and endless love.  

It was then that my ‘aha’ moment came. It was as if a film had slid from my eyes and I comprehended that my Heavenly Father had lifted me from my valley of shadowy nightmares and much like stepping out of a steamy bath, I felt fresh and restored!

Not knowing how or why, I instinctively understood I would never again have to face the shadowy valley alone, nor did have to stay imprisoned by the nightmares. My eagle dream represented my subconscious casting away the invisible chains which were keeping me held down and immobile. It felt good to be alive!
Alleluia, my Redeemer lives! My Savior loves me unconditionally and beyond measure (John 3:16). The Lord's mercy and grace surround and enfold us all, and He will be forever near! He loves us, oh how he loves us, God loves us forevermore...

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

 Until later...

          Blessings, Kathy Goodhew

 

 

 

 

 

Time for a Total Body Makeover

My particular health plan was actually not a serious health plan whatsoever other than catering to my and my husband's not-so-healthy food preference's and limited stints of strolling the local park! But that no-plan moved out six months ago leaving an opening for something new; a major makeover! I for one don’t want to bore you with all of the trivial details, so I'll keep it as brief as possible.  My particular situation started with a medical scare that flipped my mindset entirely. The scare led to change's being made in my life which has since renewed my mind and body for a fuller, healthier life, God willing.

So what’s the secret? The thing is, the information is out there, but some of us don’t make a habit of going out there to look for it or maybe we just aren't asking the right questions. My doctor never came right out and offered any expertize for my situation until I boldly asked for help. This is what I was told; reduce sugar intake and cut back on salt (I already knew), cut back on the bad carbs and stay away from everything white which includes white flour, white rice, white sugar, white potato's (spikes blood sugar), etc. anyway, you get the picture. My need to play dedective took off full-throttle as I began searching the internet like a mad woman for additional bits of advice.

The scare was actually good, because it got me out my complacent zone and led me down the research path seeking ways to improve my odds for better health which included finding out the right foods to eat and purposefully getting more exercise. Six months later I can say candidly, I walk longer, more frequently, and at a faster pace. I have increased energy, lower blood pressure, lower blood sugar, good cholesterol readings, and the frosting on the cake is that I have dropped three dress sizes and still losing! Without even trying, my spouse lost weight as well. My mindset and attitude changed as well.

I am so thankful for the scare which turned my health around so I am able to enjoy a fuller life. But most importantly I am thankful for the Heavenly Father's urging me along to re-evalute my no-plan so I could clearly see how to make those changes. So, this is what I came up with;

Before attempting to make any kind of behavioral change, perhaps we should consider the importance of renewing the mind first so we can make wiser decisions for our health. My personal make-over began by meditating daily on inspirational scriptures to help put me in a better mindset;

 

John 1:2: "Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers."

Psalm 107:9: "For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good."

Hebrews 12:11: "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

Not able to give up meat entirely, I then decided to learn the basic's of healthy meat consumption;

Eat less, especially red. The perfect meat portion is three ounces (about the size of a deck of cards).

Red meat: Go lean by choosing round, sirloin, or tenderloin cuts of meat. Avoid prime and T-bone.

Chicken: Remove skin from chicken and avoid pan frying.

 

Foods that clean the liver and kill belly fat

1.     Garlic                              2.     Onions

3.     Artichoke hearts          4.     Beets and carrots

5.     Green Tea                     6.     Leafy green vegetables

7.     Avocados                      8.     Apples

9.     Olive Oil                        10.   Whole grains

11.   Cruciferous vegies;
(Broccoli, Cauliflower, Cabbage, Radishes, Bok Choy, & Spinach)

12.   Lemons and Limes     13.   Walnuts         14. Berries (see below)

Try to include a small amount of some kind of protein every three to four hours (i.e.: protein drink, peanut butter, cheese, nuts, and seeds). Additionally, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, peaches, and plums are another great snack and great anti-oxidants.

Foods to Avoid on low-carbohydrate diet

 1.     Soda Pop                      2.     Desserts

3.     Protein Bars                  4.   Granola

5.     Flavored yogurt (too much sugar - Try plain, add fruit & stevia sweetener)

6.     White flour Bread and Pasta (Instead, eat small portions of whole wheat products
or choose brown rice, quinoa, or amaranth products)

7.     Cereals (choose small portions of a whole wheat or brown rice puff cereal)

8.     Avoid or use sugar 'sparingly' (opt for stevia sweetener)

*Avoid eating within three hours of bedtime.

Anti-aging spices: Italian spices, Thyme, Sage, Marjoram, Oregano, Apple pie spice (key ingredient is ginger), Jamaican allspice, Cinnamon & Cloves lower blood pressure, turmeric.

All around good (but not mandatory): Milk thistle (240 mg twice a day w/meal for healthy liver function)

That's it!

I hope you found this article helpful. Before embarking on any health plan, I urge you to please consult your health professional, because they know your health issues.

Author note: I recently created a website which includes another blog explaining presently my experience with publishing and marketing my first book. If interested, please consider joining me at; www.kathygoodhew.com and subscribing to my 'path walking' blog.

Best Regards, 

        Kathy Goodhew

Leaving Chronic Stress Behind

Each one of us has a certain amount of stress in our lives to one degree or another, but those who are living in an abusive situation may not realize how continual stress can actually attack the body as well as weaken the spirit...

Our human ancestors were, at one time, vulnerable to hungry animals such as mammoths or saber tooth tigers. These caveman ancestors of ours had to be able to react quickly by fighting to stay alive or running away known as the “fight or flight” syndrome. While our ancestors underwent stress, they would attain a surge of distinctive strength as their body pumped out stress hormones causing the heart to speed up, the blood flow to brain and muscles increased, the digestion slowed to conserve energy, the muscle tension increased, and breathing came faster to bring oxygen to the muscles.

In present times, we humans are no longer threatened by savage, hungry beasts, but we can still benefit from this "fight or flight" response when perhaps one is carrying out extraordinary feats of heroism.  But for the most part, we humans seldom face astonishing acts of heroism unless one's occupation involves rescue and bravery.

Yes, each of us has varying degrees of stress, so what does it mean when many of us must withstand raised levels of stress on a daily basis? If one is under stress frequently, it can lead to damage of a person's physical health. Those stress hormones still rush the body's system, preparing one for action. Those physical changes related with stress may be a recipe for some of the leading causes of death such as heart disease and cancer.

 1) Stress can cause long-term fatigue, digestive upsets, and even headaches.

 2) Stress can affect the blood cells that help fight off infection, causing colds and other diseases.

 3) Continual stress can increase blood pressure and increase the risk for stroke.

 4) Chronic stress increases the danger of heart attacks, especially if angry and wary.

 

  5) Stress can trigger actions that subsidize death and disability, such as smoking,       alcoholism, drug abuse, and overeating.

Okay, I think I've got it, but another question crops up that pertains to my particular situation.  What about the atypical malfunctioning levels of prolonged stress?  The following is a portrait of my family overloaded by abnormally severe chronic stressful circumstances...

There were times when the daily stress of coping with an explosive spouse felt solely unbearable. The same heart I gave so lovingly to my very first love was now breaking with extreme grief for that which had somehow withered and wasted away. Oh, my broken heart continued to beat, but it sputtered and coughed from being plunged in the toxins of a rancid and harmful relationship. These insides of mine quaked with fear as I tiptoed on eggshells so as not to upset my quick-tempered spouse and I spent countless hours with a desperate need for air, escape, or justice. At the time I think I craved all three! 

I was not the only victim. The children came down with numerous physical ailments when the stress became more prevalent and my innocent daughter was under the impression that she was somehow to blame for her mommy and daddy's fights. I realized this had to stop! And yet, I didn’t know where to turn for help, so ended up feeling alone, rejected, fearful, angry, and undeniably discouraged and frustrated.

But the strangest thing happened. I began to get a clearer image of my own involvement and responsiblity regarding my health and well-being. Somehow I had mistakenly allowed another human to take control over me, nearly crushing my spirit and paving the way for my illnessess. Miraculously I also discovered that God was nearer than I imagined when He spoke through my grandmother to knock some sense into me. Somehow she knew I was being verbally, emotionally and physically abused as she revealed a revelation to me. "Kathy, how can you profess to love God and others if you don't love yourself? If you continue to allow someone to demean, belittle, abuse, and be unfaithful to you, you clearly don't love yourself and have not been following the first and greatest commandment!" 

Wow, this was a hard lesson to digest, but knew it was required. But a changeover has a way of being difficult, but it can also be a pivotal moment of unearthing a breakthrough! During that time I discovered that in the midst of my darkest moments my savior was lifting me up and carrying me through and beyond the darkness. When He knew I was safe, He carefully placed me on firm ground where I could get my footing once again. As I became willing and ready to listen to the unseen holy spirit for guidance, I discovered I was able to do the impossible. I let go of the bitterness and the hate and handed it over to God. It was then that God's forgiveness of me freed me so I could forgive my antagonist and batterer, making way for the chains of my stress to gradually disappear before permanent damage occured.

I can now look back at those years long past and see a much clearer image of what stress did to me not only emotionally, but physically as well. I suffered for decades from seemingly unrelated ailments and health issues. I suffered digestive upsets, leg pains, and backaches dating back to the time of that unhealthy relationship which included bouts of overeating and yo-yo dieting. My blood pressure continued to climb and I believe I caught every cold floating around, all because of the prolonged stress I endured. If there is blame, it is mine, because I didn't recognize the signs sooner. But no matter, all is well.

Does any of this sound familiar? Then please, friends... Be kind to you!  God loves you more than you can ever fathom. If you are struggling with abnormal stress and dispair, please know this, you are not alone. God wants you to know you are special and you have the right to be treated with love and respect. You owe it to yourself to believe in hope and believe in you, because your body and your well-being deserve good health. This is your life and there is only one you... (((Hugs)))

Deuteronomy 31:8 "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

 Best Regards, 

          Kathy Goodhew