Monday, August 1, 2016

Abuse Survivor Love Letter

Dear Survivor,

You are not alone because I have been where you are and I feel your pain... 
Today can be a new beginning if you so choose. This may be difficult to digest right now. That's okay. When you are ready, you have the power to choose to stay paralyzed in the past or choose to move forward. Moving forward means discovering that what you went thru is now in the past and that you are alive and you have taken the first step to a wonderful new beginning. Maybe you are struggling to make sense of what happened or whether you could have prevented it. Please let that thought go and know that what happened to you was never your fault! If you are having trouble coping with your feelings, please allow your emotions to guide you. Take time to grieve for your shattered dreams of what you hoped for. Getting angry and/or crying is not only good for your body, but good for your mind, and your inner spirit. Please know that your Heavenly Father deeply loves you and he knows that deep within you is a brave and resilient person, because you outlasted the abuse nightmare. Your inner being holds the same kind of courage and strength as a mighty lion. That same strength will now see you thru the healing process. Meanwhile, you have probably built a cocoon around yourself as a way of coping with outside forces. If so, then give yourself a pat on the back because you are halfway there. You are giving time for a change to take place inside. When you are ready to emerge from your cocoon, you will be able to cast off the old skin of fear, inner pain, doubt, shame, humiliation, or possibly self-loathing. Letting go of your heavy burden will bring a sense of being free at last and you will be made brand new, much like a beautiful butterfly. Dear survivor, no, you are not alone, because God is with you, I am with you, and so is every other survivor. United, we stand with you. 

Caring about you,
   Kathy Goodhew, author and fellow survivor

“When you've been hurt by someone, think of that person as if they are sandpaper. Their words and actions tend to scratch and cause pain, but in the end, you end up polished like a diamond and they end up as worn out paper heading for the trash.”

Monday, March 7, 2016

Home is not a Place

In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy closed her eyes, clicked her ruby shoes together, and said three times; there’s no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home. The landscape began to fade and in a flash, she found herself back on the farm with all of her loved ones beside her. She must have been elated when she realized how much she was loved.

Have you ever felt that everything would be all right if we could just go home where we can rest and recover, knowing that it's all right to be our self among our loved ones. However, most of us know that home is not a place. It is a feeling (an inner sense) of belonging. Dorothy found her way back to the loving arms of her family because, deep down, she knew all along that she belonged to them. 

Guess what, that is exactly what Christ Jesus's faithful and unconditional love provides for each of us. I am thankful to have found that that my home is not a place, but a reassuring feeling of belonging. Without a doubt, I know that I belong to my Heavenly Father. Wow, I belong to Him and He loves me so much, He died for me! There is no greater love. My elation overflows with four A's; Amazing, Awesome, Alleluia, and Amen!

   May God's peace be with you,
               Kathy Goodhew, author

Monday, January 18, 2016

Judge Not byColor but by Content of Character

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." by, Martin Luther King, Jr. ​
I am grateful that Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, because he inspired me to see past the color of skin and look instead at the content of a person's character.

In the late 1960's I moved with my husband to a big city on the east coast.  He was serving in the Army and had been stationed nearby. To help out with our finances, I took a job at a local department store. I recall that I was a newbie in an unfamiliar city with local customs and appreciated what the locals shared with me, not realizing that I was about to learn a lesson in bigotry.

One day, a co-worker took it upon herself to strongly warn me not to talk to a person of different color and to never walk on the same side of the street. Growing up in a Christian home in the Pacific Northwest, I knew that I had been sheltered from some of the harsh realities of the world. Racism and intolerance was a concept that was unfamiliar to me. The brief segregation documentaries viewed in the classroom were my only introduction of bigotry. I never had to encounter first-hand what hate and bigotry actually sounded like. It was so hard to fathom all that the African American people had to endure.

After I got over the initial shock of her words, I replied that the best way I knew without being confrontational with her. I told her that, as humans, we are all the same and I would talk to and walk with whomever I choose. From that point on, she had nothing to do with me. I was okay with that, but I felt sad, because she had allowed  hate to rule over her.
The way we treat one another has improved somewhat over the decades, but as a nation, we still have a long ways to go.  I hope and pray that we are taking the lessons to heart.

May God's love be with you,
         author, Kathy Goodhew

Monday, November 23, 2015

18 Reasons to be Thankful

Do you have a reason to be thankful? If you think about it long enough, each of us can usually come up with a reason to be thankful. Therefore, as Thanksgiving Day approaches I grasp that I have taken my blessings a little too casually.  Thus, I have remedied my unconcern by reflecting and compiling a list of reasons to be thankful.

You will notice that each thankful reason listed below corresponds with the eighteen days leading up to Thanksgiving Day. Each one is especially relevant to me. As you read, you may find some that you are able to identify with or you might even come up with more that relate to you. No matter, the main point of this exercise is the action of taking a moment to reflect about your own reasons to celebrate Thanksgiving Day.  

  1. Family: I am thankful for each member of my family, for they are precious and irreplaceable.
  2. Being alive:  I am thankful for being granted another day on this amazing planet.
  3. Helpful people: I am thankful for those who go a step beyond with their helpful assistance.
  4. Military members: I am thankful for those who serve our country with honor and sacrifice.
  5. God's creatures: I am thankful for birds, cats, dogs, and squirrels. Their comical antics cause me to laugh, especially when it's dismal outside.
  6. Safe shelter: I am thankful for the safety of a safe shelter from the rains and the wind. 
  7. Gift of prayer: I am thankful that I can turn to my heavenly Father's assurance thru prayer, especially in these times when there are those who hate human life as they lash out with violence.
  8. Health: I am thankful that I can exercise and strengthen my body which in turn, strengthens my mental capabilities.
  9. Friends: I am thankful for good fellowship with old friends and new friends. Friendship pushes loneliness  away.
  10. Sunshine and laughter: I am thankful for both. The sun brightens everyone's day and laughter helps heal everyone's hurts.
  11. Creation: I am thankful for the ability to look around and find God's touch all around me. He created an amazing landscape.
  12. Rainbows: I am thankful for the appearance of rainbows. Their miraculous beauty reminds of the symbolic meaning of hope and belief.
  13. Love: I am thankful for love, for without love life would be like a dead garden. 
  14. Blessings: I am thankful for God's countless blessings bestowed during the course of my life. 
  15. Faith in a Supreme Power: I am thankful for a living God who continues to teach me to walk a path with purpose. 
  16. Memorable moments: I am thankful for those rare moments that can't be seen, but only felt with the heart.
  17. Courage: I am thankful for courage because when I am scared to death about facing something, but take action anyway,  I find that courage triumphs over fear.  
  18. Rocky PathsI am thankful for rocky paths, because it forces me to place my trust in my Heavenly father. Jesus walked the rocky path with pure grace and love when He chose to walk with us as a man, a friend, a teacher, a prophet, a rabbi, and the Son of God. He suffered greatly before he willingly laid down his life for you and me. He found the sweet taste of honey within that rocky path of suffering, filling him with His Father's eternal peace.
I wish everyone the blessing of thankfulness and peace as we approach this Thanksgiving Day celebration. I charge you to be the mirror that reflects God's powerful love while reaching out to others. 

Blessings and Happy Thanksgiving,

          Kathy Goodhew

Friday, October 9, 2015

Afraid to go home to the one you love?

Have you ever been afraid to go home to the one you love? Ask any abuse victim this question and pay close attention. You may see a hint of fear lurking in their eyes, although most will deny that anything is wrong. I know because there was a time when I was that person. I was a victim of spousal abuse.

Many victims and survivors carry around long-term, hidden scars and yet, they have an inner strength waiting to emerge so they can protect themselves and their children. Because of this, most abuse survivors will conceal their feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, or despair in order to survive their own personal battlefield. If a survivor were to speak out, each would have a story to share, however there are some who cannot, because they are no longer with us. The abuse I speak of is the use of verbal, physical, emotional and even sexual control or oppression with the intent of crushing the spirit of another human being.

Abuse in all its forms touches people of every culture, race, occupation, and age. Each year, millions of women, men, and children suffer from emotional or physical violence and many abuse victims have been led to believe that they deserve the abusive treatment. Domestic abuse will continue until our generation recognizes the destructive nature of domestic abuse. 

Many victims are women and they are afraid to talk out of fear while everyone else treats it as invisible. The survivors who do break their silence are the ones that speak up, hoping for change. Sadly, the statistics are on the rise and we continue to disregard the long-term effect of domestic abuse. 

Some ask, “Why don’t they leave?” or “Do they enjoy being abused?” The better question might be, “Why do abusers terrorize and crush the one they profess to love?” Many victims do leave, but the real reasons for staying are more than any one statement can adequately explain. And yet, there is a possible reason that many people have not considered. It is the thing that brings paralyzing fear into a victims eyes. Many abuse victims don’t leave an abusive relationship because of ‘separation violence.’ They know that the risk of more severe violence escalates sharply as the batterer senses that he may lose control. Nearly three-fourths of domestic assaults were inflicted after the separation. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury or death to abuse victims in the United States.

My Viewpoint:

We all probably know someone who has been physically abused. This makes us slightly more attuned to the destructive nature of domestic abuse. We have a choice. We can continue to be silent or we can break our silence and speak up. Sadly, abuse will stay unless we decide that we’ve had enough. It’s up to each of us. Silence will only create more violence! It’s time to make a choice and take a stand. If you see an injustice, I hope you will join me when I say, “This is just plain wrong!”

If anyone feels broken inside, please know it should not define who you are or who you can become! Consider the lowly caterpillar that is transformed into a beautiful butterfly! Consider a baby in the safety of his or her mother’s womb, hesitant to leave only because he or she is unable to see the extraordinary world just ahead. 

Please reflect on this; 

No one should feel alone, thinking that there is nowhere to turn. It is simply not so for God is with you. In addition, there are paths to healing. Having faith in my Savior's loving promise is my path, but even if you are not religious there are many agencies able to help. So go ahead and take that first step because it can lead to freedom from the chains of abuse. 

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

If we close our eyes and try to imagine beyond our nightmares, we’ll find a loving God who promises HOPE and a new beginning! ~ by, Kathy Goodhew


I am a wounded healer and encourager. I know that my Savior loves me and you. He has given me hope and a purpose and I've been promised a new vision upon surrendering myself to Jesus. When I admitted that I could not handle doing things my way any longer, I found the courage to tell my story about spousal abuse in my book A Vision Beyond Abuse.  I candidly shared about my broken past and my love for God with hope of bringing awareness about spousal abuse to a generation where the subject of abuse has gone unnoticed far too long. My story focuses on one such path (mentioned earlier).  In the book, I vividly describe my personal struggle while trying not to lose hope for something better.  Struck down, but not totally crushed, I worked at staying focused on my quest for the One who knows me better than I do. Lastly, I hope you will come along with me to find your own vision beyond abuse and never give up hope for a better future.

You can find my book on and at Tate Publishing's Bookstore: 

Kathy Goodhew's book is published through Tate Publishing, a mainline publishing house dedicated to working with aspiring authors and giving their book its best chance in the marketplace. 

Blessings, Kathy